The Defending Champs Draft

The defending champs last year, Team Equal Opportunity, broke through its consecutive poor fantasy sports to actually win something. Outside of last year, I believe he averaged a 8.7th place finish. Coming in first has its benefits, as he was able to re-draft Shaun Alexander, then keep Steven Jackson (round 3), and Chris Chambers (round 10). On to the picks...

Round 1 - Shaun Alexander. God, it must have been awesome to get the third pick last year. I wouldn't know, I was picking 10th. It must have been even better when the commish inexplicably passed on Alexander for Priest "Gimpy Hips" Holmes. You see, the commish has a fetish for older running backs due for injuries. He actually has porno mags of Ahman Green and Priest Holmes having surgery on their legs. It's sick. The one good thing here is the "Madden Curse." Couple that with the karma of TEO spending his Fantasy Football winnings on an area rug, anything is possible. TEO better hope Alexander doesn't enjoy the night life, or he could end up a carrot, a la Ken Hamlin.

Round 2 - Julius Jones. This pick works for one reason. Bill Parcells has tried EVERYTHING to make him not the featured back, yet he continues to get the majority of the carries. Hopefully, he's going to do the smart thing and get Barber in round 6-7, to corner the market on Dallas RBs.

Round 3 - Steven Jackson (keeper). If you're keeping score at home, TEO is 3 for 3 with players he had last year. Fortunately for him, it shouldn't take seven weeks of the media asking why Mike Martz throws the ball 70 times a game before Jackson gets more than 14 carries.

Round 4 - Todd Heap. Another player from last year. TEO is clearly afraid that people are going to raid his championship team, not realizing the reason he won last year was Alexander's weekly output of 150 yards w/ 3 TD's.

Round 5- Derrick Mason. Whenever I go into a draft, I always think to myself, "Get as many members of the Ravens passing attack as possible. It is absolutely lethal." Steve McNair should resolve this, though, as he is a spry 32 years old, with the body of a 40-year-old. Seriously, it's the second pre-season game and he's already questionable with a sternum/hand injury.

Round 6 - Marc Bulger. A good pick here, as Mike Martz throws the ball 50 times a game. Wait, what? The Rams have a new coach? One who wants to differentiate himself by running the ball more? Oh, shit.

Round 7 - Jerry Porter. Fortunately for TEO, Porter will eventually realize that he has no marketable skills beyond football, and will have to actually play to improve his trade value. Unfortunately for TEO, he will still have Aaron Brooks throwing to him. But as long as Porter runs behind the line of scrimmage, he should be good for 80-100 receptions.

Round 8 - Donte Stallworth. OK, at this point, I have to ask. How many years does a wide receiver get before we label him a "bust" and make it fantasy etiquette to not draft him anymore? Maybe Donte Stallworth and Ashley Lelie can join forces to form one Mega-Wide Receiver. They each go for about 30 catches, 500 yards, 4 TDs. If we combine them, they can become a legit force.

Round 9 - Neil Rackers. The run on former EOP players resumes! A kicker in the 9th round? It's a good thing he pulled the trigger on this one, because I, for one, was going to draft his ass in about three rounds.

Round 10 - Chris Chambers. Good keeper pick. I would like to take this time to defend my own draft, which hopefully will be skewered eventually. You may not like my picks, especially my early ones, but let the record show that I had 5 players that I drafted last year who were kept in this year's draft. And in baseball, my keepers were in rounds 1, 14, and 15...next year, they will be rounds 7, 13, 14, 15. Call it luck, call it skill. But in any case, I should be getting paid to drunkenly make late round selections.

Round 11 - Curtis Martin. I don't know what to say, except that we are on day 3 of the post-draft, and Martin is already on the waiver wire.

Round 12 - Baltimore. Defenses. They suck. A good defense to have, and it compliments Mason and Heap well in the "bye week" issues.

Round 13 - Kurt Warner. Sleeper alert! Putting on my Peter Gammons hat...Leinart is going to learn the system, but Warner is the quarterback of the present. The offensive line is going to be improved, and they're going to go out and get another guard. If Warner can stay healthy, with those wide receivers, he's an MVP sleeper here. With Deuce Lutui and Leonard Davis, the left side of their line is set through 2010. This is a team on the rise, for sure.

Round 14 - Keyshawn Johnson. Is this draft over yet?

Round 15 - T.J. Duckett. This round is a free keeper. Duckett has disappointed to date, but with what's available, and with his pea-sized brain unable to comprehend the concept of stashing away college RB's for the future, this is a worthwhile risk. Unfortunately, Duckett will probably be dropped before the start of the season, and Warrick Dunn will probably suffer a season-ending injury in Week 3.