FBB Keepers - Breaking News

I can't remember what his 'name' is on here, but the brown guy just announced one of the crappiest keepers in the history of fantasy baseball. Javier Vazquez. On behalf of the league, thanks for your $100.

Kif, we have a conundrum....

The following two items are indisputable facts. They have been proven over and over again; however, they put us in quite the Catch-22:

- Strippers are angels
- Strippers have no soul

Can strippers make it to heaven? Discuss amongst yourselves....

Draino's Draft

After a round 2006 season where several players that were good in 2005 flamed out, Draino (aka Football Commish) needed a solid draft to have a shot at the playoffs. He had some good keepers with Vernon Wells 6, Roy Halliday 8, Prince Fielder 17 and Chris “the pitcher” Young 18, as well as Ramon Hernandez 22 and Nick Swisher 23. Lets see how he did…

Round 1: Roy Oswalt. You can never go wrong with pitchers named Roy (except Roy Hobbs, because he got shot). Anyway, I feel he was the best SP not kept, and a great 1-2 with Halliday.

Round 2: Justin Morneau. Both Draino and I thought that he would take Abreu here, but with Ichiro getting drafted earlier than expected, the AL MVP was available. I’m glad I dropped him in May last year…

Round 3: Rafael Furcal. After this pick, the quality of SS really dropped off, so this was solid. He has similar numbers to Rollins, with a few less HRs and a better BA.

Round 4: Joe Nathan. I think this was the first closer off the board. Nathan is very reliable. Hopefully, 25 of his 40 saves come when saving a win for Johan.

Round 5: traded to big bro for Vernon Wells.

Round 6: Vernon Wells. Was rewarded for a great year with a huge contract. I’d expect similar numbers, possibly with less steals. He likely would have been a first round pick if Draino didn’t trade for him. He’s 27 or 28, so I don’t think 2006 was a career/contract year, but that’s one thing to keep in mind.

Round 7: Bobby Jenks. As long as he’s healthy, hes a good #2 closer.

Round 8: Roy Halliday. Great keeper. You’d like it if he had a few more Ks, but considering he plays in the AL East, his other numbers are ridiculous (in a good way).

Round 8: Scott Rolen. Probably the second best 3B who wasn’t kept, after Atkins, who went 7 rounds earlier.

Round 9: Brandon Phillips. I think he’s got him for second base. Good source of steals.

Round 10: Eric Byrnes. Draino’s first hiccup. He told me that he was targeting 3 young guys – Markakis, Cuddyer and someone else. When Cuddyer, the last of those three still available, was taken the pick before, I think Draino got a little flustered. However, Byrnes did go 20/20, so its not that bad. I wonder if he wasn’t taken here if he would have been drafted at all. Not a big deal, because this has been a good draft to this point.

Round 11: Bronson Arroyo. Good pitcher with nice K totals.

Round 12: Rich Hill. I’m pretty sure he’ll be in the Cubs rotation. Good young pitcher with a good offense behind him.

Round 13: Corey Patterson. If he plays every day = good. If he platoons = not good.

Round 14: Eric Gagne. This pick is a huge wildcard, but with little risk for Draino. If it pans out, its incredible. If not, really no big loss, especially with Nathan and Jenks already on board.

Round 15: Hank Blalock. This guy used to be a top-5 third baseman (well, at least top 8). Anyway, he plays in Texas and he’s still young. Good value pick this late in the draft.

Round 16: Jacque Jones. Playing at Wrigley and hitting in a very good lineup. Could be a great #3 OF.

Round 17: Prince Fielder, keeper. Probably a year or two away from being a top first baseman, but still great potential, and likely to hit 30 HRs from his Utility slot.

Round 18: Chris Young. A young pitcher, with good upside, pitching half his games in the Padre’s park = solid #3 SP.

Round 19: Jason Isringhausen. Personally, I would never draft Izzy because I hate him and he sucks. Yes, he had a lot of saves last year, but he always puts a ton on runners on base and was hurt at the end of the season. With 2 great closers on board, its worth the pick…just not for me, I already have enough stress in my life aside from watching this guy try to get 3 outs in the ninth.

Round 20: Tad Iguchi. Decent backup second baseman.

Round 21: Matt Murton. Not sure if he’s starting the season in the majors, but could be a sleeper for keeper considerations.

Round 22: Ramon Hernandez. Catchers are the kickers of fantasy baseball - useless.

Round 23: Nick Swisher. Oh Billy Beane, you are a genious!

Round 24: Scott Olsen. A good young Marlins SP. Will likely have a greater impact on the Florida Marlins than on ‘The Zeros’.

Overall, I think that Draino had a very good draft, and positioned himself well to be in the top half of the league this year. There would need to be some major injuries to keep this team out of the playoffs. He doesn’t have one guy that can carry your team for a week, but sometimes that’s a good thing – those types of players are often prone to slumps. The strength of the team lies with its pitching, especially his top 2 SPs and top closer – Oswalt, Halliday and Nathan. With Morneau, Wells, Fielder and Swisher, I think this offense could surprise.

My Draft

I know we aren’t supposed to analyze our own drafts, but whatever. I will do some other ones, including Draino’s (aka Football Commish) next. Going into the draft, I had some solid keepers with Johan in the 2nd, Hafner 7th, Konerko 14th, Huston Steet 22nd, Brandon Wood 23rd. I also kept Mussina 16th and Justin Upton 24th. A decent balance on offense and defense, but a good draft was needed to improve on a 6th place finish from last year.

Round 1: Garrett Atkins. I’ll be the first to admit that this was a reach at the #6 overall pick. However, I drafted based on position scarcity, and A-Rod, Aramis, Miggy Cabrera, Zimmerman and David Wright were all gone. Atkins was the only other third baseman I wanted on my team.

Round 2: Johan Santana, keeper. Is the consensus #1 SP ANYWHERE you look, which actually makes me nervous. Good thing Madden doesn’t make a baseball game.

Round 3 (in a trade with pasta): Miguel Tejada. Pre-draft, I planned on taking a SS with this pick, and I was really happy that Tejada was still available. I had projected Furcal or Michael Young to be whom I would chose from. This also makes my first round pick seem like a little less of a reach.

Round 3: Johnny Damon. Probably another reach, especially if he’s my #1 OF. However, he will contribute in all 6 offensive categories, and could be a 25/25 guy.

Round 4: Chone Figgins. I’ll play him at second base. Since Utley was kept, he’s the only second baseman I would have taken in the first half of the draft.

Round 5: Mariano Rivera. Considering there was a mini-run on closers, I have no idea how he was still available. Add him to Street and I’ve got a solid tandem of RPs.

Round 6: Bill Hall. A mistake here, as I draft him as a second OF, but he wont be OF eligible in Yahoo until the second week of the season. His HRs and average will likely go down, but he does have the potential to be another 20/20 guy and maybe reach 90 to 100 RBIs as the Brew-Crew’s cleanup man.

Round 7: Travis Hafner, keeper. PRONK!

Round 8: traded to Draino for Clemens.

Round 9: Randy Johnson. Not bad for a #3 SP. As long as his back is healthy, could be good for 200 Ks. Likely will see a drop in Wins as he switches teams. However, he’s 44 and may have Alzheimers disease by the All Star break.

Round 10: traded to Pasta in Soriano trade.

Round 11: Jorge Posada. I was happy last year when I took Javy Lopez. I’m happy this year with Posada. I wonder if I’ll ever have a good catcher…

Round 12: Ervin Santana. Was great in the first half last year, but faltered after the break. Hopefully another year and he’s ready to turn the corner and become more consistent. Plus, his real first name is Johan, so this can’t be that bad.

Round 13: Jorge Cantu. This may sound dumb, but I actually targeted him going into the draft. He’s young, and he was injured last year. He will probably suck, but I’m not banking on him for anything. Whatever, I don’t even care.

Round 13: Mark Teahan. Another young guy with upside. He struggled in the first half, but had a great second half. Could be another 6-category contributor. Once he gets OF eligibility, could be my 3rd outfielder (supplanting Huff or Cameron).

Round 14: Paul Konerko, keeper. Solid and consistent.

Round 15: Traded to Donny in a position swapping trade.

Round 16: Mike Mussina, keeper. Whatever…I needed more Yankees!

Round 16: Daniel Cabrera. If he cuts his walks down to 5 per game, could be a great pick. However, will likely tease me with games where he K’s 12, and walks 3, followed by games where he walks 9 and doesn’t get out of the first inning.

Round 17: Aubrey Huff. I don’t know why I drafted him…I hate him.

Round 18: Steven Drew. I doubt I’ll use him this year, but could be a great keeper pick.

Round 19: Mark Prior. This pick looks worse and worse every day. Apparently he’s only throwing 87 mph. Ugh.

Round 20: Scott Linebrink. Going into the draft, I wanted one or two setup men. The problem is, I wanted Zumaya and Shields. When they were already drafted, I should have abandoned this strategy. I will probably hold on to him in the hopes that he gets traded to another team and closes.

Round 21: Justin Duchererererer. This was a bad pick…I already dropped him for Mike Cameron, who apparently went 20/20 last year.

Round 22: Huston Street. Incredible pick 2 years ago!

Round 23: Brandon Wood. I hope the Angels bring this guy up this year. I hear that he’s moving to 3B.

Round 24: Justin Upton. I think he’s still 19 or 20, but has been compared to Ken Griffey Jr. However, I think Rick Ankiel was compared to Randy Johnson at some point. So I guess this means that Upton is the next Johan Santana.

Overall, I am happy with my team. I am excited to see what some of the young guys will do, especially Bill Hall, Teahan and Daniel Cabrera. I’ve always wanted Tejada on my team, so we’ll see if that works out. I don’t think that my offense is good enough to stand up to Donny or Steel, but I have a well-rounded team, and can see myself in the top 3 in the league. We’ll see…

Thanks for nothing

For some reason, I still have my alarm clock set to ESPN Radio, so I basically wake up every day to Fatty and the Flamer. I wont get started on them, but I wanted to relay a jewel from Dick 'BDI' (Bald Dome Index) Vitale.

The boys ask Dickie V who his final 4 team are. This "expert" proceded to name all 4 number 1 seeds! Oh god, I hope I remember this when filling out my bracket, otherwise, I'd be lost.

Dickie V, go over to the Trop and give me some more info on your favorite baseball team, the D-Rays baby! Diaper Dandies! Dickhead..

Ill be back tonight to analyze my draft and one other draft...likely Draino's.

Joe Lunardi is a D-Bag, and here's the proof...

Look, I get what Joe Lunardi does. He projects what the tourney field looks like at any given point on time based on how the NCAA has seeded the field in the past, team performance, seeding, etc. Joe is treated as a god by espn and fans alike, who hang on his every update to his stupid bracketology the closer we get to selection Sunday as the definitive word on team's in or out.

So, for entertainment purposes, I copied the last Bracketology and wanted to check on how Joe did this year. He claims to bag at least 64 out of 65 every year, so lets see what really happens.

MIDWEST

Joe gets his first miss here, with Old Dominion getting the nod (presumably over Drexel), despite being one of his 'last four out'. He also went an incredible 1-16 in predicting teams in this region.

WEST

Another miss, as Illinois makes the bracket. 4 out of 16 teams projected for this region have been seeded here. He's actually gotten one or two matchups correct in total.

EAST

Five teams in this bracket! Not too shabby.

South-

I give up. Syracuse is somehow not in. Every single 'expert' in America had them in. WTF!?

Football in March

So I've been eagerly anticipating some serious post-draft analysis and/or funny comments but none have come thus far. Since my last post was a poem I feel compelled to talk about something less-queer, like football. My first comments have to do with the Willis McGahee trade from the Bills to the Ravens. On the surface it seems like a decent trade for both clubs. Baltimore gets rid of their old injury ridden broken down back for another injury ridden broken down back. Actually, I'm kidding with that comment, I feel that McGahee is still a viable option in pro football and is capable of being a top 15-20 back for the next few years to come. And in return, the Bills get rid of a potential locker room distraction for a few draft picks. The reason I'm a little worked up over this is because of the reaction by Bills fans. They couldn't be happier and are celebrating today over this trade like they won a playoff game or something. I was listening to local Democrat and Chronicle columnist Bob Matthews (don't even get me started on that d'bag, that's a whole different post altogether) and he played "Happy Days" music and talked about what a great trade it was. And then one hick after another called up saying things like good riddance, get him out of here, he was a bum, etc etc. What I just don't understand is the complete chip on the sholder that Buffalo fans have of athlete's that don't "appreciate" their roster spot in Buffalo. So the guy is a jackass, so he said some comments in Penthouse about moving the team to Toronto...does that mean you celebrate when your new #1 is Shaud Williams? That's the problem I have with the whole trade, what the hell are they going to do now? You have a young nuculus of players who just missed out on the playoffs and then you get rid of one of them because they don't want to play for you anymore and now you have to start over? I may be missing the point here and they could be on the verge of landing a good replacement, but I just don't see one out there. Who are you going to sign, Dominick Rhodes? Chris Brown? Damien Rhodes? The only option I would be excited about is Michael Turner from San Diego. I would turn around and give all those picks to them to get a chance at him. But so far San Diego has showed absolutely no interest in moving Turner which leaves Buffalo out in the cold.

The other situation I wanted to comment on is the recent development in Pasta's potential starting roster for next year. Muffin is having a field day with this and for good reason. With the recent news of Thomas Jones being traded to the Jets and Cory Dillon being released by New England, Pasta now has 3 legit starting runningbacks as keepers. Maurice Jones-Drew in the 15th, Maroney in the 7th and Jones (I think in the 3rd) Either way, it's 3 starting RB's to have on your team before the season starts and would leave him in a fantastic position heading into next season's draft. BUT WAIT!!! What does Pasta do before the season is even over? He trades HIS #1 DRAFT PICK for Willie Parker. I mean, a #1? Couldn't he just have drafted him in that position? So now he has to get rid of one of the other RB's (Jones or Maroney) AND he doesn't have a pick until THE 3RD FREAKING ROUND! And we wonder why his team's finish in last year after year...just terrible.

But props to Muffin for stealing his early draft picks in both sports for 2 years running now. It will no doubt pay off in a trip deep into the playoffs for the Muffin Man this fall.

Season 3 Underway

Draft day is history for the League of Awesomeness. There will be full team-by-team draft analysis in the following weeks, but just a couple comments.

The Good: The Lodge forgot to charge us the room rental fee...suckers.
The Bad: The level of drunkenness of some of the members of the league, which should work out to the benefit of those not as drunk.

A few thoughts on each team:

Donny: He again decided to hold on pitching, both starters and relievers, which can be seen by the incredible offense he has assembled. If his pitching is average at best, he should challenge for the top spot.
Ironic Steel: A pretty solid team all around. Would expect him to have just as much success as last year.
TAD: Wow, what a mess. He reached a lot for offense, and neglected pitching. Plus he was typical stumble, fall-down drunk. His liver and season outlook are hurting this morning.
Single Andy: A good draft with some solid value picks in the later rounds. His concentration may have been thrown off by the fact that he had gone out on a date with our waitress around the time he became 'Single' Andy.
Independent Joe: Drafting by phone could not have been fun, but he managed to put together a quality, well-balanced team.
Dr. Muffin: I think I was able to draft a balanced team, in spite of being on the phone for 6 hours in a row and dealing with some drunks who acted like 4 year olds.
Big Bro: Some reaches in the early rounds, but he was able to grab some young players with good upside.
SAP: Really drunk as well. All you need to know is that he took Carlos Delgado with the 3rd pick of round two
Pasta: Some good keepers and adequate drafting led to a pretty decent team. Would have been better if he actually had a clue which players were already off the board as to save the rest of the league from wanting to kill themselves.
Draino (aka Football Commish): Had a solid draft plan and stuck to it, should work out better than '06. Although, I feel that he may have vomited in his mouth a little bit with the selection of Eric Byrnes in round 10. He did recover for the second half of the draft.

"Fantasy Christmas Morning"

It's Fantasy Christmas Morning and all through the land, drafters are rising from their slumbers, fantasy magazines in hand.

Each with their own strategies, sure they will work, untill Peralta or Cantu pull hammies, those fat lazy jerks!

No one quite knows how it will all play out, but there will most certainly be beer guzzling, cursing and shouts!

Big Bro has packed up his family and will soon be on his way, a trip to Rochester for Fantasy Baseball? Nothing will keep him away!

Independant Joe is in New York City, charging his cell phone as we speak, while Pasta Roni is thinking of Yankees, his draft outlook is bleak.

Steel is pacing and smoking cigarettes, wondering, "Will I finally kill Pasta today?", while Single Andy is in Olean, his magazine he'll buy on the way.

South American Power is packing a lipper and getting ready to yell and shout, but the only question on our minds is, In what round will he pass out?

TAD is still sleeping, his 30 beers he's yet to consume, while Muffin is busy preparing, to draft the best team in the room.

The Commish is still thinking, should I take Abreu or Jones? But one more call to Muffin will lead to sighing and groans.

Worst in Class excited, he is filled all with glee, if he can get Jones in the 2nd, he knows he'll have the best team, most defintely!

For his strategy is simple, he wants Homers, Runs and Hits, strikeouts are for losers, pathetic little whimps.

He has #1 hitter's accross the board, so how could he go wrong? Who cares if his best picture is Kazmier, and all opposing batters go long?

When the draft is all over, they will see he was right, he will get in his car and drive off into the night.

But as he drives off we will hear him turn and call..."Offense, not pitching, wins in Fantasy Baseball!!!"




-More Hammers